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There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.

If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.

The world will not have it!

It is not your business to determine how good it is or how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.

~ Martha Graham

Hello, COVID, you fucker.

8/10/2020

Comments

 
​You showed up and ruined everything
You destroyed everything that I thought was true:
you destroyed my friendships and my community,
the lives of my kids and the place that I called home.

We’ve never even met (thankfully)
and I still fucking hate you.
I hate you for showing me how fragile it all is.
How it all really is a goddamn illusion.

Oh, I’ve read about it, for sure--
it sounded dramatic and elusive on the page.
And when those monks visited the high school
and worked for days

on that intricate mandala
and then brushed it all away,
I got the message!
I thought I understood.

I thought I could wrap my head around it.
Sure, OK. Impermanence, I get it.
I’ve watched people die—my dad, my mom,
even my baby girl.

I know better than most, don’t I?
I’ve written about this shit,
I’m supposed to know.

But I don’t. And it’s scaring the hell out of me.

You're stealing my life from me
day by day, bit by bit.
Your fucking with my kids--
in deeper ways than I can even comprehend right now.

I can feel you doing it
and I’m helpless to make you stop.
Your dumping my mandala in the trash
and all I can think to do is yell fuck you.
Fuck you, COVID!

And all you do is look at me,
and smile
and dump.


-----------------
I wrote this last night before bed.
This morning I got up and walked the dog and drank my tea. I sat in the overstuffed chair and closed my eyes and listened to Deuter’s “White Light”
I was surprised by the peace I felt.
Huh, peace and despair can coexist.
​Peace still there, nestled deep.
You can’t take that from me COVID, you fucker.
Comments

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©2020 Nora Rozell


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